SHOULD PEOPLE HAVE SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE?

Marriage means that each spouse is committed to make a greater effort to care for each other than they were making before marriage — a greater effort to meet each other’s intimate needs and make decisions that benefit each other. But unfortunately, couples who live together don’t seem to care for each other after marriage as much as they did before marriage. They assume that they can get away with more. Instead of being motivated to do a better job, they tend to relax with the assumption that their spouse will put up with them, regardless of what they do. They believe that they don’t need to do much to keep their spouse around after he or she makes that commitment.
So the commitment of marriage usually has an effect opposite of that which couples who live together hope it will have. Instead of encouraging each spouse to make a greater effort to care, it actually takes away the incentive to care. After all, when you live together, your success in caring for each other is the only thing keeping you together. If that care is taken away, you’re history. But as Becky discovered, when care disappears after marriage, her commitment was expected to keep them together.
Premarital sex has come under fire because of the rise of promiscuity of young adults, common law living arrangements, gay relationships, and marital affairs. The truth is that premarital sex has happened and will always happen, but is it “immoral”?
I do not believe that premarital sex is immoral and I believe that people should engage in a sexual relationship before marriage. Like it or not, sexual attraction is a key factor in how the couple first came together. You do not date anyone who you believe is grotesque or repulsive. You date someone who makes you tingle in all the right areas.
Premarital sex within a loving, monogamous relationship is healthy. If the couple is truly in love with one another and considering marriage, why should they not have sex? My ex-girlfriend’s father once told me: “Son, you have to test drive the car before you buy it” when we announced our “promise” in high school. He was not telling her or I to be promiscuous. He was telling us that we needed to make sure that we can please each other sexually as well as compassionately and romantically. It is like buying a new car. You do not just rush out and jump into a new car without thinking about the financial repercussions. You have to first figure out if the relationship is something you need, not just want. You have to figure out how you are going to maintain the relationship, both financially and psychologically. Then, after you have decided to make a “purchase,” you have to choose which one is right for you. This may mean “test driving” a few candidates before finally settling on one. You cannot just fall in love with a Mini Cooper and later complain that it is too small. You have to analyze every aspect of the relationship and make a final decision. Usually, people are satisfied by the first “test drive” because they have “researched” and pondered which “car” is right for them.

Today, marriage has become arbitrary, mainly a legal agreement between two people. Now, with domestic partnerships and common law marriage, traditional legal marriage is becoming more ceremonial rather than necessary. When a couple finally decides that they want to be together forever, then they should get married, combining their estates and their souls in a holy union. There are far too many divorces in this world to jump into a life-altering decision without considering all options.

NEGATIVE CONSEQUNCES OF HAVING SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE WHICH IS ALSO KNOWN AS PREMARTAL SEX.
There are always consequences to sin. Some of those effects can be devastating. An unwanted pregnancy, a decision to have an abortion or place a child for adoption, broken relationships with family and friends , these are just a few of the possible outcomes we face when we choose to have sex outside of marriage. We should be sure to consider the snow ball effect of sin. And what if the relationship does not last? Hebrews 12:1 shows that sin hinders our lives and easily entangles us. We will be much better off if we avoid these negative consequences,
. Accidental pregnancy – can happen when you’re married as well.
. Future heartbreak – your heart isn’t between your legs, so don’t put it there.

. The spread of stds – again, can happen when you’re married as well unless you’re both virgins going in.
. God doesnt approve – no, God doesn’t exist, at least not in the way the Christian religion would have you believe.
.Virginity Pledges: Virginity pledges are effective in encouraging teens to delay sexual initiation, but a pledge by itself is not sufficient. Young people also need to participate in an abstinence program and to have family and friends who support and encourage them to remain chaste.
.Emotional Consequences of Premarital Sex: Along with being at risk for STDs, young people who engage in unwed sex are likely to experience negative emotional consequences. A 2005 study of youth in grades 7-11 found that engaging in premarital sex often leads to depression. Compared to girls who abstain, girls who engage in premarital sex are two to three times more likely to be depressed one year later.[29] Teens who engage in premarital sex are also likely to experience regret, guilt, lowered self-respect, fear of commitment and fears about pregnancy and STDs. Many divorces will occur,
. Increased Risk of Promiscuity and Divorce: Early premarital sex is also likely to lead to promiscuity and future marital breakup. A 2002 study of over 1,000 sexually experienced high school students found that among those who had sex before age 15, females were more than five times as likely, and males were 11 times more likely to have multiple sexual partners than were those who delayed having sex.[32] Another recent study found that women who have premarital sex, cohabit or bear children out of wedlock are at higher risk for divorce than women who do not.
Conclusion
My dear friends, waiting is a Test of True Love, Love is patient. That’s about as simple as it gets. We can learn the sincerity of our partner’s love by their willingness, or lack thereof, to wait. For the side of Christian means that those who believe in God, love is patient again, love is kind. IT does not envy , it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking

Abstinence-until-marriage programs have proven to be very effective in reducing sexual activity among young people. Their success in changing young people’s views and behavior is due to the fact that they teach young people that saving sex for marriage is the best choice, one that will benefit them now and in the future. In addition, these programs give students the knowledge and skills they need to abstain until marriage.
Unfortunately, many abstinence organizations lack the financial resources to expand their programs. These organizations are small non-profits with shoe-string budgets, relying on donations, the sale of their materials, and government funding for survival. Due to their limited resources, they are often unable to meet the demand for their programs. I would like to focus on RWANDA my beloved country that education on sex should be supported by by both government and parents so that Rwandan youth should have enough information on that issue otherwise all youth will be infected by HIV/AIDS and many divorces will occur which is considered as destruction of Rwandan family, also we know that the are taken as future leaders: leaders of tomorrow that why government may set budget programs that encourage youth to abstain until marriage.that is why the answer of the question we were asked before is
not!!

Theoneste SIKUBWABO, Writer from University of Rwanda

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